For years, I've been working with couples on the idea of play. I've even created a number of workshops specifically for this objective. Many people in relationships don't seem to put enough emphasis on the fun times they share together. Focus is often placed on shared responsibilities, social commitments, household budgets, family obligations, and other activities that fall within these realms. For all popular purposes, couples can quickly find themselves more like a member of a team than part of an actual relationship. Not that teamwork isn't an important facet of a loving bond; it can often make or break a relationship. But when a couple loses their identity as lovers, real issues almost immediately follow.
There's an emotional connection that is formed between two people in a committed relationship. Over time, if attention isn't paid to it, this bond can begin to lie dormant. Think back to when you first met - the excitement, the mystery, the tension, the possibility. It's all still there. Each quality that drew you to this other person is still present; you simply know them a little better. You've seen them at their worst; you've seen them at their best. But you still haven't seen them from every angle. By letting the demands of daily life get in the way, it can skew your perception of one another and force your bond into almost a state of hibernation. You just need to clear a path and wake it up, it's far from dead.
Finding time to play, be it a relaxing afternoon in the park or an intimate evening at home, can do wonders for any relationship. These shared activities help, in one way or another, to remind you what exactly brought the two of you together. Being together shouldn't be a grind, it should be fun. As with anything in life, it's all in how you approach it. By devoting a little time for one another, time to truly enjoy each other's presence, you are helping sustain, and even strengthen, your connection. Once you've done this, your lives won't seem quite as hectic as they did before because it's no longer all work - there's now play.
In the work I do with couples, I talk a lot about being present and in the moment of each other's lives. It's like the difference between hearing and listening. You can hear what your partner is saying because you have the capacity to do so, but are you actually listening to what they're saying? Listening involves devoted attention to not only the words, but also the tone and inflection of how these words are delivered. Listening is exactly like being present in a relationship. It's making an active connection between you and another person.
Continuing to play in a relationship can really keep it fun. When something is fun, we're far more interested and engaged. Makes sense, right? All we need is the time. Don't let your belief that you have none dictate your relationship. Just set aside some time to play together, you'll both be better for it.
Copyrighted 2008, Marianne Wells LLC, All rights reserved
Marianne Wells, International Yoga Presenter
Specializing in the Yoga Alliance 200 Hour RYT Teacher Training
mariannewells.com mariannewells.com
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