"An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride, and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too." The children thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one I feed."
I start off with this quote because each of us embody energies of polarities; characteristics that stand on opposite sides of the same scale whereby in every given moment we chose (consciously or in reaction) to engage either of those sides. Like muscles, the more we engage and utilize one side the stronger it becomes. Now let's bring this into the world of sexuality. The place that is so misjudged by mankind, yet distantly remembered. From the moment we arrive through that channel and process, we begin to forget our primordial, wild self. My path and purpose is to remember who I am with all my wildness and the raw energies of creation and to help others remember as well.
Almost all the cultures of the world have perceived and marked the 'Wild Self" as dangerous and live in accordance with avoiding and suppressing that aspect of our being. When a woman expresses her anger, she's crazy and labeled the mad woman. When a man acts out his dark side, he is a danger to society and gets thrown behind bars. We are not taught, because we don't know as a collective world, how to distinguish and work with and embrace all sides and calm the inner struggles we have.
It never ceases to amaze me how people are accustomed to reacting with surprise and as though they don't remember the world is violent (and their role in making it so) each time they hear news of someone being killed, crimes of passion and so forth. It's like an automatic button that goes off inside. Even in cases of prejudice and injustices, we react to it the same old way. When people make love on the tv screen we rush to cover the eyes of our children. Other times other folks are advocating that sex and all that leads up to it is nasty and evil. I am, frankly, sick of the same old same old. As the saying goes, the more things change the more they remain the damn same. Earthlings remain at a level of consciousness that is as low as the serpent, unfortunately.
We feed into the idea that the world is violent and we expect peace; we feed into the notion that Africa (my birthplace) is poor and AIDs contaminated and we expect to see and experience otherwise; we feed into our fear of not having money and we wake up broke everyday; we feed into the fear of getting cancer or some other deadly disease and we become diagnosed of such; we fear failure and well, what do we get... just that - the opposite of success. We fear dying and live our entire life eroding each day. Who's creating here?
Again back to the original story above and the freedom of choice. As the Sexual Griot I'd like to bring a
sexual dimension to this same mode of expression. It is not by accident that violence is so popular on television, in movies, in the lyrics of songs for it is through these outlets that people are expressing that suppressed wildness, slaughtering and damaging and striking out in a romanticized rebellion against social morality that has castrated them, imprisoning them in a cocoon of niceness and politeness, as Margo Ananda tries to explain in her book, The Art of Sexual Magic. The negative angry, greedy, resentful and arrogant wolf is still winning the fight because it is that side of us that is fed day in and day out.
The primary reason why I refrain from watching television and listening to the news is because I am keen on feeding my loving, sensual, sexy, compassionate, kind, serene, peaceful and hopeful side. Looking at those images do not make me feel good inside so why feed the horrible feelings they evoke? Through ecstasy, fantasy and our natural sensual desires we can recognize and reclaim the value of our Wild Self. That side which holds the key to our primordial, fundamental power of creation - as creators! We are all creation and creators but this loss of memory and path is to a large degree responsible for the frustration and unhappiness experienced between the sexes. The point of creation begins where you focus your attention and we are far removed from our true authentic nature as sexual beings.
People are often shocked and even offended when I am blunt and "matter of fact" with them. I remember that part of my spirit as a child. I would not hold back my tongue when I expressed my self. Sadly I lost some friends but as I look back, they were not worth having in the first place. Then I moved into a phase of my life whereby I did shut down because I was afraid that I would loose more friends, family and become isolated. The Rebel in me suffered as I began to practice holding back (suppression) and eventually it took a toll on me - mind, body, heart and soul. I developed fibroid tumors and periods of fleeting depression. I began to use certain tools of escapism. I have never been much of a drinker but when I did, I did it in excess. I even experimented with other psychedelic substances in search of the return of my wild side, to experience that deep pleasure carried over from ancient lives that I longed for. My body became stagnant, my energy slowed down and my valves began to close. As a result I became confused, chose to be with the wrong people, cut off my love supply, while my self-esteem diminished. I became sexually repressed and inhibited. I made some awkward and not so good choices and settled for less.
But the resilient soul that I am could not be held back for too long. The loving wolf in me began to awaken and with powerful guidance from the source, I began to make some slow but drastic and visible changes in my life. My interest and curiosity of the workings of my body and mind were strong. Oh I went down the religious path as well. But it didn't work for me. The people in that area were too hypocritical, and I found religion to be a mental game of bible verse memorization and the absence of the "heart". It and the folks that turned to it lacked originality and a sense of individuality. They were singing versus and speaking the language they learned from the religious institution. No real leaders, just followers. No color, no flavor, just blandness.
Then I became a blind and deaf woman relying on my tactile senses. I still am today as I feel and sense my way through life - mind in alignment with heart. So how does a blind and deaf person unable to read the scriptures of the bible or hear the sermon of a preacher experience the power of GOD or the universal force? TELL ME PLEASE especially you religious holy mollies who are blind, deaf AND cut off from your senses. Then I explored and loved yoga. I began to sense my deep spiritual yearnings and the power of the unseen world - magic, sexual, creative energy, pure love vibrational dimensions. My original passion as a dancer began to resurface, and with my creativity flowing again I blended it in a style of yoga I created called Soulfull Yoga with the aim of once again evoking my wild, soulful self.
Then on two different occasions, I experienced phenomenal orgasms that were earth shattering, mind blowing, body quivering and soul resurrecting for me. Each took me to a place that I had never been before. And those moments allowed for the deepest most restful sleep that I had ever had. And none of them happened while having sex. So I've yearned to experience that over and over and go beyond that for I knew it was infinity itself. I noticed that practicing yoga was awakening my sexual sensitivity once again because that part of me was so explosive as a child that I didn't know what do to with it or who to talk to about it. As I got older, memories of my sexual innocence and powers began to resurface.
During my happinesslifetime.com yoga teacher training, I experienced bursts of ecstasy. I went to the Berkshire Mountains, where I trained, with a blocked second chakra, fibroid tumors and the inability to conceive, but when I returned home only after 9 days of intensive yoga and open valve I became pregnant in a matter of days. My body and mind were united with freedom and total well being. I desired to know and understand more. On another occasion, I danced into the embrace of my lover. We danced ecstatically, sensually and divinely. The naked eyes could see only me, but I was dancing with my awakened lover who resides within. Touched by an Angel, that Angel was ME!
I also kept in mind the constant reminder that somehow I had a responsibility to one day share this wisdom, these experiences and knowledge with those who were ready and in need. And I knew that I had to be ready. Now that I have arrived at the doorway of readiness, are my people ready for this? Are they ready to embrace their wild nature and sacred worlds beyond their imagination?
There is a way out of this viscous cycle of madness, of the inner and external war that is going on today. And the Wild Self can be released in a creative, playful and intentional way that cultivates loving intimacy between men and women while at the same time enhancing and raising the vibrations of humans and planet earth. We don't have to be afraid of our sexual powers. We don't have to suppress them and manipulate others with our powers. We do not need to deny the power, passion and the essential qualities of our Wild Self! Instead we can express it in healthy ways before we literally destroy ourselves and this space in which we live on earth.
Choose to nurture and feed the loving, generous and faithful wolf that has deep loving and sexual needs and wounds to heal. Instead of spending so much time in realms of fear, worries, hating, anxiety, insecurities. The world would be a much better place if, as a society, culture and people, we practice the massive, phenomenal, unparallel powers and divine nature of our sexuality and practice being in a mind and space of loving!
"He who realizes the truth of the body can then come to know the truth of the universe."
Angelique Shofar is a sexual wellness & sensual lifestyle coach; a tantric yoga/dance teacher & freelance writer. She facilitates sensual~ cultural events, retreats & workshops around holistic sexuality, wellness & empowerment. She is the founder and director of The Spirit of Wellness. Visit her online at: thesexualgriot.typepad.com thesexualgriot.typepad.com/ and her blog at sexualgriot.blogspot.com sexualgriot.blogspot.com/ Email her at:
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