Shelly felt sick. As she sat at the table and watched all the people eating, talking, and having a good time, all she could think about was if anyone noticed how horrible and runny the stuffing was. Shelly's mother in law had fallen off of a step-stool two weeks earlier and broken her wrist. This year, for the first time, Easter dinner, which was also celebrated as her father in laws birthday, was being done at Shelly's house. At first it seemed like a great idea. When Allen, her husband, had suggested it as a great way to help his mother out, Shelly embraced the thought. However, as the day grew closer it became more and more overwhelming.
Shelly was frustrated that Allen hadn't recognized how hard she'd worked to prepare in advance and had been short with him for days. She found herself trying to fit into her schedule a trip to the hair stylist so she would look good when the family from out of town arrived. She stayed up past midnight three nights in a row frantically cleaning and getting the two guest rooms in perfect order. Now that the event was upon her and everyone was having a wonderful time, and by all measures, Shelly was miserable. The stuffing was runny. Not to mention, Shelly was cranky and she had snapped at Allen in front of his mother earlier. It was humiliating. Shelly was positive it would live on in family history forever. Shelly didn't think his mother had ever really liked her that much anyway. What a mess she had made of things...
The person we judge the most and judge most harshly is always ourselves. As women we are trained - it is ingrained in us to be critical of ourselves and as we learn to do it to ourselves first we also learn to direct it outward on the world around us. Nothing, and I mean nothing drains our personal energy the way judging ourselves does. However, this is the one habit of self sabotage that is so subtle, so soft, it's like a whisper, but it is the mother of all of our failures. Judging self is the most fundamental crime we commit against humanity for if we cannot love ourselves we surely will never truly love another. That is a bold statement. However, it's true and although we know in our hearts it's true, we go on judging ourselves quite harshly everyday anyway.
Again, embracing the spirit of Aloha, to love is to be happy with and that applies to our relationship with self more then any other. If we can find a way as women to escape judging ourselves and just settle into being happy with who we are, we free up so much personal space inside our heads that we can finally begin to thrive. Wouldn't it be great to thrive? I mean seriously. I know this sounds a little like mumbo, but really - what if you could just commit to loving yourself and you could then have enough extra personal energy to work on that novel you've wanted to write or train for a marathon? You may never know what you could achieve until you commit to loving yourself with abandon just to see what's possible.
So, fast forward one full year. It's Easter. Shelly's mother in law has just decided that since the family descends on her home for all the other holidays, she doesn't want to do Easter anymore. They enjoyed it so much last year, Allen's family more or less invites themselves back to Shelly's place. This year Shelly spends a few bucks, hires someone to come in for an afternoon to clean the house while she goes to the spa the before the family comes. For dinner instead of the regular Easter fare Shelly serves an amazing Italian dinner that her family would traditionally make for special occasions. Everybody raves about it. There is no stuffing in sight.
There is a photo that hangs in Shelly's kitchen today of Allen's dad's 64th birthday cake all ablaze with sixty-four candles and all the family around it in her kitchen with Dad and Shelly blowing out the candles together. It's a classic. I can't help but smile every time I see it. She's beaming.
Shelly figured out Aloha. Make it your year.
Lisa Hayes is a mind, body, soul, practitioner who views the person as a whole - With meditation for the mind Yoga for the body and as an ordained minister, for the soul, Lisa works with women to help them achieve peace and bliss in the chaos of their every day lives.
Lisa is also a partner in an independent technology firm and is a single mother of a teenage boy, so she understands chaos. Chaos is a part of everyday life. It is a part of the contrast of life that makes the zen seem so much more precious.
Lisa began the pursuit of the healing arts more than fifteen years ago when she completed her degree in natural health and nutrition. She continued that path as a yoga and meditation instructor before becoming a life coach.
Lisa believes that zen is our basic nature. All we have to do is release it. She has dedicated herself to assisting women in finding whatever tools work best for them individually to become their most blissful and beautiful selves.
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