Direct Care Staff

Direct care work with people with dementia can be hard and, at best, presents us with a fairly demanding day. We have to bring some good attitudes with us and work on developing some special approaches to the care of those with Alzheimer's and other dementia.

Studies have shown that care staff have predominantly come from difficult family backgrounds. A profound wish to transform their own inner experiences is often what compels them into the care world You might never have put it to yourself like that, but is it actually true of you too? Think about it, just in case. Out of your own woundedness can come the kind of great soul and tender heart willing to walk to the gates of death with another human being.

This would be my list of the ten flashpoint issues direct care staff can best learn from. Out of these, a lot of personal transformation happens, if you want it to. If you don't deal with these issues, they can turn around and bite you. And you know where.

1. Self-neglect.

Care work is uniquely demanding, so be sure to get enough sleep, eat wisely, exercise carefully, get help for your addictions and therapy for any deeply-wounding family issues. Difficult family background makes you vulnerable to not nurturing yourself enough. You deserve the best care from yourself;

2. Anger.

Be aware that residents who irritate you usually bear a close resemblance to a family member who pushes your buttons. So, when you find an irritating resident, ask yourself, "Who in my family does this person remind me of?" Then, keep reminding yourself this resident is not that person. Use this opportunity to learn how to turn your own button off. Notice what works. It could be walking away for a few minutes. Deep breathing. Talking nicely to yourself. How about going to the bathroom, writing that resident's name on a piece of paper and jumping up and down on it? Heck, as we say in the care trade, whatever works;

3. Dementia ignorance.

Learn good dementia communication skills. If you find yourself locked into an argument with a resident, ask yourself why you're trying to win a war against an old person with dementia. Remember, that person is already losing the great battle of life. See also point number 2;

4. Fatigue.

If you come to work tired and stressed, you are more likely to get into unwinnable arguments with residents or order them around, which is equally unsuccessful communication. You will exhaust yourself;

5. Blaming.

Don't blame people with dementia for their disease. If you have to repeat things, it's because they have dementia and therefore can't remember. If they don't want to do what you tell them, it's because they're reacting to your bossiness. If these issues keep occurring, it's your fault, not theirs;

6. Stress.

Learn how to deal with your own stress. Don't take it out on old people in your power. Instead, structure self-kindness and peaceful attitudes into your life so you have a better time with your own self. Try a stress control class, yoga, exercise or look up a website, then actually follow the suggestions;

7. Grief.

The biggest single reason for people to leave the care-giving field is the death of a person they were caring for. A terrible legacy has been left behind to poison the caregiving life. It is the false belief system which says, "Real professionals don't cry!" Cry, grieve and use lots of Kleenex to mark the death of someone you loved to care for -- you'll be much healthier;

8. Closure.

Many longterm care facilities have no grief support and no ceremonies of closure to honor a resident who has died. Talk to your facility social worker to start up such a practice. It's good for everyone -- residents, care staff, even other family members;

9. Worry.

When you come to work, leave your worries on the doorstep -- and that's an order. Think of it this way, your residents that you care for have only you as their main chance of love today. Put your issues aside for your shift. You'll be glad you did;

10. Loss.

Yes, it is hard to have a resident die. However, look what you did for this person. You became a spiritual warrior, friend and protector. You walked all the way as a companion on the journey. Thanks to what you did, this person was not alone.

You did something that few people in our society have the courage to do. You walked closely with someone as they faced the very worst terrors of most Americans, aging and death. Brave, caring and an extraordinary commitment to what matters most. That's you.

Give yourself a pat on the back, which will also be good exercise for you.

Frena Gray-Davidson is a longterm Alzheimer's caregiver and her latest book is "Alzheimer's 911: Hope, Help and Healing for Caregivers", available from amazon.com amazon.com. Frena presents dementia seminars nationally and internationally. Learn more from her website at alzguide.com alzguide.com/ and sign up for her free monthly online newsletter for caregivers. Email her at